Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be in love. Even at the age of 3, I went around dreaming about going on dates or being married to someone. I felt like it was almost impossible for me to not want it. I had always had crushes, and every girl in every story always seemed to want it, so why would I feel any different. So, I spent so much of my childhood dreaming, hoping and searching for the “love of my life.” When I started dating people, spent all my time either talking to them or daydreaming about our future together. But through all the different “loves of my life” I don’t think I fully appreciated the love I already had which had nothing to do with romance.
For as long as I’ve had these dreams, I’ve also had platonic love. My first “best friend” and I met when we weren’t even old enough to talk and after that I’ve (fortunately) had a steady stream of “best friends.” Some short term, but most for the long run. Despite our friendship having ups and downs, these women (and occasionally men) were my unwavering supporters. Always there for me when I needed them, yet never hesitating to call me out on my bullshit. Always knowing me better than I know myself, especially when it came to what I didn’t know I needed. Having this support system since before I was even aware of it, made me blind to what it meant. I mean after all, the only times friends mattered in movies or shows were when they helped you with epiphanies about your romantic life, or so I thought.
Over the past few years, this perception of mine has been turned on its head. I feel like my friends have shown me what love really is. I don’t believe I could find many people who loved me as strongly as they do and are not related to me by blood. Nothing could get in their way if I even hinted at being less than okay. No matter the reason, my friends would be ready to play their role any time of the day. They loved me when I hurt them, when I forgot them, when I couldn’t do for them what they were doing for me, and all without me even realising.
I always thought that to have the noteworthy friendships you had to have certain cliched experiences together, but I never considered that those experiences would not only look different for every person, but also for every friendship one person may have. I never considered that our long-walks around our neighbourhood or 10-minute phone conversations counted as bonding moments, cementing our relationship. I never considered that my afternoon naps with my introverted friends and lunch dates with my extroverted ones could mean equally as much. I spent so much time trying to fit my friendships into the categories other people had created for themselves that I completely missed what I had.
I failed to recognise that I already had ride-or-die friends before I knew what those were. That I had the friends that you write books, shows or movies about, because they’re the ones everyone wishes they had in their own lives. That every time I looked at fictional friendships and thought “I wish I had that,” I was forgetting the millions of times my friends had done almost the exact same thing for me without me ever asking them to.
So, this is for my best friends. You might not have felt like I took you for granted, but I definitely did. I love you more than I could ever express and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know that. I don’t know how I could believe that I needed to search for the “love of my life” when I’ve had you all right beside me the whole time. Real friendship is something that you often don’t realise you have, but still know you couldn’t imagine living without and that’s what I have in mine.
If you don’t fully understand what I mean, I think Rebecca Serle depicts it best in her book ‘In Five Years,’ which is what inspired me to write this piece, so you could give that a read.
